Harvest Moon: Morons of Ignoramous Town
by Karen Moondrop
Summary: The name is random, I know... see the HM youth return to high school... although most of them never originally went...
1. Chapter 1

**HARVEST MOON: MORONS OF IGNORAMOUS TOWN**

_A/N: Before you say anything, yes, I know the name is random, but unlike the many chapter titles of my other fanfics, this actually relates to the plot. I've just one thing to say. My other story is not dead, I've just temporarily left it. I might pick it up again in the school holidays (which start on the Thursday, or to people on the other side of the IDL, Wednesday of next week). Enjoy… I hope…_

(Chapter Title) **

THE KIDS AREN'T ALRIGHT… MENTALLY

**

It was just a peaceful summer day like any other. Jack was harvesting some crops, Rick was feeding some chickens, Duke was soon to yet again be legally declared mentally insane, thanks to his wife's voice box, and Kai was sitting at his counter, waiting for some customers to come (or at least waiting until he went insane and made some imaginary ones).

There was, however, something new happening today. Mayor Thomas (otherwise known as the "human" tomato) had, by new fancy laws invented by the government, been forced to do a routine check on the intelligence of the youth of Mineral Town.

Although the Mayor had insisted that nothing could possibly have hindered the education of the younger generation, the Minister of Education had pointed out that they had "never actually met the legal requirements of basic education on the island". The Mayor thought he could hardly be blamed for this. I mean, was it really his fault that the money the town had been saving for weeks mysteriously disappeared, coincidently at the same time he bought Rottnest Island? Of course not!

The Red Blob in a top hat slowly moved down the street to the Poultry Farm. He was looking at a sheet he held in his hand, containing all the names of the teens of Mineral Town, and a box next to their names.

Deciding he (or should I say it) should rest his beautiful, beautiful eyes for a second, he looked down to the ground (this took about 30 seconds). He could see a snail on the path. He watched it take over him in about five seconds. "Stupid slugs…" he muttered darkly. He finally reached the old, brown gates enclosing the poultry at the chicken farm.

"Good morning!" he said to Rick, who was standing outside looking at the chickens.

"Oh, good morning!" Rick said happily with a smile.

"Taking a look at the family's hard work eh?" the Mayor asked with a grin.

"Well, I was feeding them actually", Rick replied.

"Don't you usually need chicken feed for that?" the Mayor inquired.

"Chicken…feed?" Rick said, turning his head to the side and staring at the tomato lopsidedly. The Mayor smiled politely and put an F in the box next to Rick's name.

"You haven't seen your sister around, have you?" Rick looked at him blankly for a moment.

"Si…ster?" he said in a daze.

"Oh… you mean Popuri!" he said happily, a grin on his face once more.

"Yes… have you seen her?" the Mayor re-asked.

"She should be inside…" he chirped happily, "or at the beach…" he added darkly. "Umm… I'll check inside first" the Mayor said, rolling his eyes as he turned his head.

As Thomas squeezed through the door, he caught sight of a pink blob bobbing up and down in the corner.

"Hello there Popuri!" he said, hoping for some normal conversation of at least the 4h grade standard to come out of the girl.

"Hi there! Do you like chickens? What a silly question! Everyone loves chickens! You hear me? EVERYONE!" The girl said very fast, a twitch becoming very noticeable in her right eye.

"Umm… hello Popuri. I've got to ask you a few questions, is that all right?" the Mayor said slowly.

"It depends" she said, looking at him slyly. "Have you ever eaten a chicken?" The Mayor decided that this was probably no time for the truth, considering the knife I her hand was glinting at the very end as if it were very, very sharp.

"Of course not dear", he replied. Pigs could be seen from thousands of kilometres away flying over the island.

"Ok then" she said with a cute grin on her face.

"Ok dear, question one: who invented the light bulb?"

"… a chicken?" she answered (although it sounded as if she were asking a question.

"That was Thomas Edison" the Mayor said.

"Ok… how do you spell chrysanthemum?"

"That's an easy one! C-H-I-C-K-E-N!" Thomas stared at the girl.

"How do you spell rose?" he asked hopefully.

"You're going easy on me!" came the reply. "C-H-I-C…" the Mayor cut the girl off.

"How do you spell chicken?" he asked her.

"Umm… er… oh, oh, I know! C…" the Mayor looked at her hopefully.

"Yes dear, continue!" he said.

"…O-W! Chicken!" she said a proud smile on her face. The Mayor looked at her in disbelief.

"Thank you dear, that is quite enough…" he said, writing an F bigger than the box in which it was to be placed.

The Mayor looked down at the sheet again. He already had four boxes marked as Fs. Popuri, Rick, Mary, and Karen. He had automatically marked Mary and Karen as Fs because… well, he new who had REALLY started that rumour about him dancing around naked in the street saying the apocalypse was coming in a hurricane (well, actually, it was true, but he didn't want anyone else to know that, did he?). He wondered where he should go next. He saw the clinic just up ahead. He decided he would go test Elli next, and perhaps pick up some free medicine on the way (well, he WAS the Mayor, and besides, it's not like Ellen REALLY needed that medicine anymore, I mean, she was going to die soon anyway, right?)

"Good morning Elli!" the man said cheerfully to the nurse sitting at the front desk.

" Hi… person…" the nurse said. She was staring straight past the man to the doctor who was filing papers in the corner.

"Umm Elli, would you mind answering a few questions?" Thomas asked.

"Yes… questions…" the girl replied. The man hesitated for a moment, then shuffled through a few papers to find the questions related to health care.

"Question one: if someone has low stamina, should they be given turbojolt or bodigizer?... Elli…Elli!" the girl didn't even make a move. After a while, the Mayor decided that it was a lost cause, and walked away slowly, making an F form on the page next to her name.

_A/N: Ok, this is really short, but I had to cut it off here because I'm getting ready for camp… oh yeah, don't expect anything from me for the next three days! Ok, so… good or bad? This will start off with a lower rating than expected, it could probably go for even K, but I'll make it a K+ just to be sure. Until next time,_

_K M_


	2. Chapter 2

**INTRODUCTION: PART 2**

_A/N: Yeah, I know, I know, this is ridiculously long awaited, and I COULD give you an explanation, but that would involve keeping you waiting. Enjoy!_

_P.S The rating will be changed to a T for this chapter. I don't know if it will be necessary for this chapter, but I'll do it anyway for the future._

The Mayor was absolutely flabbergasted. He couldn't believe it. It was absolutely ridiculous. How could every single god damned teenager in this town be so god damned stupid? It was unbelievable!

How could Kai think that pi spelt P I was some kind of exotic pastry with Very-Berries in it? How could Cliff think radical was spelt with 3 Zs, 5 Os, and an exclamation mark? And how could Jack, the city slicker, think that 50G + 50G 100G? (It's 1000G, duh).And, how the bloody hell, could Karen, who he'd been forced to test when she'd pinned him to the ground demanding for purple-vest-wearing-people's rights (she seemed a little tipsy) think, that Leonardo Da Vinci's most famous painting, the Mona Lisa, was a picture of a dancing banana with the words "IT'S PEANUT BUTTER JELLY TIME!" written underneath in bold, yellow text?

The Mayor had no choice now. He had to do what the government was making him do. How could they make him send the poor kids away? Why, without them, the village would be so much quieter, Karen wouldn't make any rumours about him, he'd have no on challenging his position as Mayor for another year… after thinking of the consequences, the Mayor decided that sending the youth away was the best choice for "the kids" after all.

"Younger generation of Mineral Town!" the Mayor called out to the noisy crowd of teens in front of him, tapping a fork against a bottle of wine. The noise ceased to die from the crowd.

"Kids!" the Mayor yelled again, tapping ferociously at the jar. The crowd went on talking about rambling.

The Mayor, his face now as red as his crimson nose and an equally cherry coloured vein apparent on his forehead, smashed the bottle of wine on the table, causing a huge echo through the room.

"SILENCE!" he yelled fiercely. The crowd immediately shut up. The Mayor went on calmly.

"Dear, sweet children, I have gathered you hear today to tell you that you are all complete idiots, dolts, imbeciles, morons, and ignoramouses. You are all so terribly dumb, you are being shipped off to another island with one thing on it: a high school. You and the idiotic teenagers from other neighbouring villages, towns, valleys and homelands will be sent there until you have an average score together, of oh, let's say… 50 PERCENT! God, you people are dumber than Elli's dementing Grandma…"

at this point, Elli began to sniff heavily.

"… ah, what I meant to say was… any questions?"

Mary slowly and shyly raised her hand. Thomas smiled and pulled out a shotgun, pointing it at the timid librarian. The poor girl immediately lowered her hand, faster than Jack had run from Popuri the day his chicken "accidentally" fell into his oven.

"Good." The Mayor continued.

"Then without further ado, pack your bags and get to the beach as fast as you can with you're parents! They've already been told what is to happen. I bet I can beat you to the beach!"

"Goodbye, children", Thomas said bitterly, still annoyed at the fact that even though all the teenagers had to pack (with the exception of Cliff) they had still beat him to the beach… and he had used all of his precious energy up running there, too! Some people were so ungrateful, how many sacrifices he'd made for them… well, he'd get his revenge. He had a whole year to plan it, after all.

As the boat sailed off into the distance, the parents of the children of Mineral Town wept. They held white hankies, wiping away the tears poring out of their eyes, waving to their gifts from above. The boat turned a corner and was out of sight. From the boat, the younger generation could hear the shrieks of laughter and joy coming from Mineral beach, accompanied by the sound of champagne corks being popped (Karen briefly considered swimming back to the island at that point).

The youth of Mineral Town stared as their whole life was slowly left behind and out of reach of the boat that took them forward to a place they knew nothing about.

_A/N: Yes, random it is. YAY! I FINALLY got the N64 version of HM! (That's partially the reason for the late update). Oh yeah, I know this chapter is short, but it's actually just the other chapter continued. I would have written it as one, but grade 9 camp kind of screwed that up. Anyway, it's time for the…_

_THANKS TO YOUS:_

_Alex Teh Eval: Thank you, and thanks for the review!_

_GeneralDragon: Yeah, I'll go back to it and finish it someday. Thanks for the review!_

_Peach Zelda: You like Zelda too? Thanks for the review! P.S Who is your brother? He know too much…_

_Avalice: That is what happened, but, you know me, I'm too damned lazy to write I all down! Also, I want to go to sleep so it'll be Easter Sunday (Chocolate awaits) Thanks for your review, and you're not a bad reviewer. That's impossible, because reviewing is simply expressing your feelings, meaning that any review that you write that is your actual feeling about something is a great review!_

_DoubleKK: Well, that's good, considering it's a comedy! Thanks for the review._

_Abby Mayhem: I feel so guilty for adding this so late. Sorry! Thank you so much for reviewing!_

_jack-t-man: Yes, I got your emails, lol. Thanks for the review!_

_See you next chapter (which hopefully will take not anywhere near half as long as this one)_

_K.M_


	3. Chapter 3

**BOREDOM ONBOARD**

_A/N: Here it is. I might update pretty soon after this. Oh yeah. I'd just like to say thanks to my brand spanking new beta reader, GeneralDragon! He's basically an editor. Well, enjoy if you can! Oh yeah, I know I changed my name randomly, but I have my reasons._

"Minus five hundred and forty three bottles of Karen's juice on the wall,

Minus five hundred and forty three bottles of Karen's juice,

You take one down,

You flush it down, (a toilet flushed in perfect timing at this point)

Minus five hundred and forty thr…"

Jack's singing was cut off by a swift kick in the jaw. He and the other guys had been singing to pass the time, and had not noticed Karen come into the bathroom. The boat was a pretty big ferry, yet still seemed to only have one bathroom, for both genders to share.

"Get out of here before I make you", Karen said in a tone that sounded like it alone could murder.

The boys scampered out quietly, not daring to protest. They slowly walked into a lunch hall kind of place, with a snack bar on one side, and rows of plushy red bench-like seats with wooden tables in between each two. They were all nailed to the ground. On the spare walls were rows of couches similar to the benches in design, but with plushy backs. They were faced back to back, with tables between (it basically looked like a café or diner).

The group decided on a row of couches in the middle of the eastern wall. Kai sat down on a couch, which emitted a puff of air under his weight. He sidled along and the others sat down gradually, all with a puff.

"There's nothing to do", Jack complained.

He wasn't wrong. They had explored most of the ship, give or take a few rooms, and had found nothing apart from an arcade, black-jack table, ping-pong and darts room, an all you can eat buffet, a pool room (50 X 50 metres, 4 metres deep, slides with diving boards, the works), a library, a movie theatre, and a janitor's closet (they had spent a few hours playing with a mop, but eventually tired of putting it on their heads and singing "I Feel Pretty").

"You know, we could always check out the arcade" Rick said hopefully.

Everyone stared at him for a second, but then they all remembered the last time they'd let Rick in an arcade (he drove them all insane telling them the exact statistics of them winning a game of Pong in the certain positions the ball was in at that particular moment).

"…Perhaps we'd better not" Kai said.

Rick sighed and put his statistics file back in his bag.

"Someday they'll see me as the God of Pong... ", he murmured to himself.

"WHY! WHY IS THE WORLD SO CRUEL!"

Elli moaned and sobbed as Mary handed her another tissue, slowly patting her on the back understandingly.

"He was my love! My all! My, my… POOPIKINS!" she let out another howl, and Popuri came over to her, looking understandingly at the poor girl's now red and puffy face.

The girls were in the library, crowding over Elli, trying to cheer the poor girl up. She had been extremely upset when she found out that the doctor was the only bachelor in the town (not counting Barley or Won, who were both old and evil anyway) who wouldn't be going to the mysterious island on which they were to spend a year.

Karen re-entered the room, returning from the toilet. She was clutching something in her hand… or rather, some things.

"There, there, love, are you alright?" the girl cooed to the bawling nurse (although the roughest person in the village, Karen was always sweet when it concerned her friends).

"Here, look at what I brought." The girl emptied her hands onto a nearby table. Snickers, Mars Bars, Cadbury Dairy Milk chocolate bars, Picnics, M 'n' Ms (in packets), Freddo's Caramello Koalas and other various types of chocolate went flying left, right and centre (or center) across its surface, followed by a chic flick (a DVD), a DVD player, a huge chunk of wall that Karen had obviously somehow forced out of the ship (hopefully she had remembered not to break the exterior, Mary thought) and a jar of Vegemite and a spoon.

The other girls looked at the bizarre arrangement of most probably stolen goods on the table in front of them.

"Karen… what the hell are you doing?" Ann asked the girl, still wondering how she'd managed to carry all of the evidence of theft all around the boat. Karen looked expectantly at the girls. After getting no reply apart from a cough, tumbleweed, and crickets chirping, she sighed.

"Break up survival kit!" she exclaimed. Now everything seemed to make sense to the others, apart from the Vegemite and spoon.

"We'll be arriving in 10 minutes. Everybody get ready to leave!" he voice across the ship boomed through the various speakers across the boat. The boys in the diner were relieved.

"Finally" Cliff exclaimed as they started slowly crawling out of their seats, stretching and blinking. Most of them had fallen asleep, with the exception of Rick and Kai, who were playing paper, scissors rock for about 3 hours (Kai won about 56431 to 1. Rick added this to his Reasons to Kill Kai list hidden under the desk).

"Well, I guess we'd better go find the girls" Kai said.

"You'll use any excuse to go find the girls, won't you?" Gray asked. Despite this being a rhetorical question, Kai answered with a nod and an "mmm hmm".

"I think I saw them in the library before… or rather heard" Rick said. The others looked at him strangely for a second, but followed him as he walked towards a door with a big sign on it that read "LIBRARY".

"NOOO! Cedric! How could you!" Elli wailed. The guys instantly knew what Rick meant. Elli was obviously still grieving after being told that she was to be separated from her love (or That Guy with the Weird Circle Thing On His Head, as he was more commonly known to the townsfolk) for a whole year.

All of the girls seemed to be crying, apart from Karen, who was sitting on the floor scooping out the contents of a jar of Vegemite and swallowing it whole (I dare anyone reading this who has access to Vegemite to try it) and playing what appeared to be… Pong (the male group made sure to blindfold Rick as they walked closer with Jack's red hanky).

"Umm… it's time to go now" Gray said matter-of-factly. The girls stared at him for a second, but then turned back to their romance DVD/book (who would have guessed, Mary was reading in a library)/ Pong. Jack seemed to think for a second before snapping his fingers. He went right up close to the girls and said the words he would soon wish he had never even heard.

"SHOPPING!" the girls stared at him for a second, and then launched themselves ruthlessly at the door.

_A/N: Ok, I decided to stop there so I could actually get this to my beta reader in time._

_YOU ARE THE ONES TO… THANK:_

_Lost and Disturbed: Thanks and I will._

_jack-t-man:… I grew up on Nintendo. My most memorable early childhood moments were watching my brother play Donkey Kong on the SNES. Good times…_

_Alex the Eval: No story of mine is complete without a reference to that dancing banana (a good reason to one day go back to my old fic)._

_GeneralDragon: Yes, that Mayor seems to need the school more than some of the at least half educated people in the town. Who knows, who knows… oh wait, I do! I have BIG plans for this story… Oh yeah, and you'll get it at the start of the next chapter._

_Avalice: It was damn long, I wreckon. Rightly so, the poor girl did nothing (that I've so far mentioned) to the tomato…_

_Till next time,_

_K.M. … I mean T.W. … Ah, what the hell, I'm going to put K.M. on the end anyway, because I will change back to that later, when I can…_

_P.S Sorry this is in late. I had trouble getting it to GeneralDragon at first because of the email suspension._


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